So I have never been a beliver in one god it has always seemed impossible for me to belive that millions of people could be wrong . There are so many gods and deities out there so I have always felt why not belive in all of them . I have on the other hand have belived in karma what goes around comes around again and again . Right now in my life I’m having a bad run with karma yes I’m a good person I know this and never doubt but like many out there I have done bad things and hurt people that I love more than anything in the world . So I wonder is it god or karma or both that is leading me down the path I’m on now . I don’t know if I’ll ever know the answer to that particular question . I do know that from here on in I will do my best not to be just a good person but better yet be a decent person and pay attention to my failings and work to correct them untill I do I know that this crazy rollercoaster that is my life will never truely change .
this is a quick note to say how awesome it is to live in uptown needless to say how great it is to live in a pedestrian part of town . I walk alot up here which my dog loves and allows me to discover new things everyday . It’s amazing . Today on my walk to the local independent vacuum store to by a misc. part I found after leaving there and walking a block further the most amazing art store in the world . Just the night before I was getting ready to take a crack at sketching but felt i didn’t have the right pencils to do so and then boom I find what I’m looking for plus a small piece of canvas on sale that I wouldn’t normally buy needless to say I am excited and I’m sure over the summer months I ‘ll be stopping there quite a bit . Oh on a side note I was in my room cleaning and organizing and thought to my self I ‘d really like to be able to hang out in it more and then on a trip to the salvation army one of my favorite places to shop . In the store i find two beautiful pale yellow curtains and some free artisan bread and choc chip cookies all day old stuff from kowalskies but who cares it tastes the same to me and I just happen to have a beef stew cooking at home . Needless to say there were other great finds for the day and I ‘ am pleasantly pleased by the outcome . May all of you out there have a day just as pleasing
So oh shit I think I just met rebound guy . It’s only been three weeks since I was dumped, what the hell . I ‘ve been meeting lots of guys online and out and about it’s weird . So I can’t really tell what is going he just has all the things I look for wants to adopt kids hello i talk about this all the time . the rational side of me says hello wake up run to the montains . but shit i sent him and email and he had bareley left the door. i feel like i’m back in jr. high and your dating that guy who you just want to make out with all the time but in reallife . i kinda want something to happen with this and i didn’t want him to leave .
So tonight I was feeling a sense of accomplishment my house is organized my laundry is close to done and I thought to my self let’s walk up the street to Soho pizza and grab a slice . I’m thinking as I walk what a nice night and it’s crowded on the street i come to the light on 26Th and hennipenn cross at the light i hate this intersection whether walking or driving it’s bad for all involved hard for everyone to see. I cross the street wait for the next light and then wait a second after the light changes start to cross and boom i get it hit by a truck now let me tell you I ‘m still in shock I managed to jump with leash in hand away from the truck as it slides to a stop luckily he was accelerating up hill so he had no momentum . Luckliy for me and Jackson nether of us is hurt . I ‘m pissed and start yelling . He offers to call the police interestingly I decline all I want to do is get my pizza and get home . I cross the street and he takes off . I’m sore but not hurt I know that write away and also part of me is thinking who needs the hassle of ambulances and police . I’m surprised at the reactions of passer-byes the guy that holds my dog for me tells me I was out of the cross walk I basically tell him to fuck off . I walk on to the deli I feel that I’m in shock but really aware of my surroundings . A woman named Allison comes running up to me and says she ‘s got the police on the phone and the license plate . She asks me if I want an ambulance I say no again . I don’t have an answer too why . I proceed to get my pizza pepperoni and sausage it’s good and bad at the same time . As I wait outside the police , fire-dept ,and an ambulance cruise bye looking for me I assume yet still I hold out . Now I home with my pizza and I ‘m happy . I wonder what is next on the agenda I have a feeling this is going to be a hell of a year .
So me and my friend just did three miles around the lake . It’s finally spring in minnesota so one can actual do this kind of thing and enjoy it . My dog is thriving on this much attention and being out and about . I think we will both sleep like babies tonight with out a care in the world .
So the secret is out I like sex . Alot . And i like it to be random . Alot of people would call me a cheat . I myself would say I act on my needs if I’m hungry I eat if I’m thirsty I drink the same rules apply to sex . I have learned when it comes to relationships sex always seems to go to the bottom of the list this seems true for all types of relationships gay , straight or otherwise . So I wonder in this day and age is it time to redefine what commitment means and can we still apply the rules of religion on relationships? I also wonder what is a relationship ? I have two they were both great in hindsight but sex or the lack there of has ultimately led to the end of those So am I meant to be single ?Why do so many of us feel we need to be in relationships is is because we are lonely ? Is it because we feel like that is what we are suppose to do ? Or that we need to learn to compromise and yes that is the main duty in a relationship whether you want to acknowledge that or not . I ‘d love to hear some thoughts and ideas on this subject .
Okay so I’m not always mister positive guy I am known to go to some really dark places many that most people know nothing about . This times often hit me like a ton of bricks out of nowhere . They frighten me . I always come out of them and think that most people go thru the same thing I do . But I wonder what would happen if I can’t come out of these places and I also wonder why bother to come out of them . It’s in these times when I have to face my truth and the harsh realities that I want to ignore . I also learn answers to things I have been wondering about.Writing this makes me wonder if I allowed these feeling to take over what kind life could I have . How exciting it might be .
Well what is it ? Smoking , drinking , drugging , blogging , working to much I mean I could go one forever .I wonder Iif any will ever know the answer to this question and why is it something that bother us so . Is it our society ? I guess I ask these questions of the world out there due the fact I ask myself these questions and wonder if your doing something you love and it’s pleasing yourself is it really wrong . The older I get the lesss I think this to be true .
I feel that all of out there have our own view of things which is awesome . The plus and minus to this is they are all different which is what really defines us as human beings . This leads me to think that following that train of thought we are always going to think we are right in our own train of thought and thinking the other way is wrong . If that is so does’nt that make us all hypocrites ?
So I have ended up single again due to my active sex life . Yes it seems to be in the air right hence Mr. Spitzer’s problem in new york . So it leads me to wonder why is it to some fidelitt is so important and to some it means nothing and why is there no real middle ground in between . I know for myself I feel no remorse for acting on my needs and desires you eat if your hungry , you drink when your thirsty why do we deny ourselves the most basic needs we have . I also wonder why when we find out about others betraying us sexually most feel such anger speaking for myself my adventures in sex are completly about myself and my ego yes I said it ego . So you may wonder why I ‘m choosing to write about this I guess the idea would be to spark a conversation about this issue and let the shame around sexual behavoir go . It seems to me in the land of the free we as a people we as a people are more surpressed then ever .
